How to Be a Skinny Cheapskate

Of course the real title of this post should be "How to Be a Cheapskate While Maintaining a Healthy Weight that Makes You Feel Happy and Content" But it wasn't as catchy.

And, also, as we all know, I should begin this post with a smoking hot picture of myself in a tiny little bikini. Because why else would anyone want to be skinny (or at a healthy weight that makes you feel happy and content) if not to post smoking hot, scantily clad pictures of oneself for the entire Internet to see. I can't really think of any other ways to show that we have value as human women so I really should get on that bikini photo shoot. But I haven't yet. Don't worry, what I don't have in smoking hot bikini pictures I make up for in Grandma sweater pictures, usually involving me making some sort of weird face (because I'm pretty sure that Kip waits until I'm making the absolute weirdest face possible before he snaps any picture of me ever).

Anyway, you're probably wondering what the purpose is of this post if not to post smoking hot bikini pictures of myself. I will tell you. I get pretty annoyed when people start talking about how Americans are obese because they can't afford good food. So then they have to buy generic boxes of mac and cheese which they are, we can only presume, forced to consume in unholy amounts in a vain subconscious attempt to attain sufficient nutrition and not die.

I'm not buying it--the generic mac and cheese or the argument that that's all you get to eat when you're poor.

Below you'll find Eight Tips on How to Be a Skinny Cheapskate (note; none of them involves bikini selfies; you're welcome).

1. Water. The next time I hear a snooty, rich food writer tell me that the poor are just fat because soda is so cheap, I'm going to personally fly to his chateau in France, and smack him (or her). Well, probably not because I can't afford to. I will not say that water is free because it is technically not free because you technically have a water bill that comes to your house every month. But the little half gallon of water that you should drink each day is actually a very insignificant part of that water bill. Let's face it, your kids probably waste more water than you drink putting temporary tattoos on their hands. Water is cheap and healthy and good for your teeth and perfectly wonderful in a host of ways that almost make it seem like a miracle drug. Drink it if you want to be cheap and skinny.

2. Don't freaking overeat. Sorry about the language there. But, seriously, eat enough to be full and satisfied and then stop. You can save the leftovers for lunch tomorrow or a family leftover night. If you're really hungry, then by all means, eat. But if you're only eating that much food because it's there and your mother isn't stopping you, then save some for later. The nice thing about this rule is that it applies to all food at all price points. No matter what you spend on food, you always spend less if you eat less. Not overeating always saves you money. 

3. Eat at meal times. Along with #2, I would say that reserving eating until meal times is very healthy as far as keeping the budget and the girth in check. I don't care if you're in the three-meals-a-day camp or the 6-smaller-meals-a-day camp, mindless snacking is both expensive and unhealthy. We usually do it, not because we're truly hungry, but because we got bored or stressed or we saw a food and it looked good (maybe it's on the counter staring us or we sat by the vending machine at work). Whatever the cause, cut it out.

4. Snack on fruits and veggies (or something else not junky). If you are truly hungry at 3 pm, then maybe your body really does need a snack. If that is the case, I think that most of us can agree that our body doesn't really need a full bag of Cheetos. But, wait--snooty food writer is always telling me that the poor have to eat chips because fruits and veggies are not calorie dense enough to sustain me. Um, I think that as Americans (even, and perhaps especially.the American poor) we're getting enough calories. Nutrients, on the other hand, not so much. So, for heaven's sake, if we're talking about a snack, let's try to keep our faces out of the jar of onion dip. Which is why I think if you get the 3 pm blahs you can reach for that apple (maybe even that apple with a few slices of cheese). It will sustain you until meal time (see #4) just as much as the package of Mentos you got out of the vending machine. Also, that bag of carrots and that small bag of generic Doritos cost the same amount.

5. Cut out your desserts. I do not in any way or lifetime believe desserts to be bad, but they do add cost and calories to your life. You know when I notice the price creeping up on the little "cost" section of my recipe posts? When I add butter and cream and chocolate chips to things. Again, we always hear snooty food writers talking about how cheap sugar is. This is actually fairly true. But when was the last time you made cake from just sugar? And that bag of candy you bought from Dollar General--it's still more expensive than buying no bag of candy at all. Also, sugar candies won't fill you up, so that argument is no good either. Please feel free to indulge occasionally. But if you're looking to trim down (haha, why are my puns so amazing), then cut out some or all of your desserts for a while. You might notice that you don't miss them or at least that you don't miss eating so darn many of them.

6. Eat vegetarian occasionally. Meat is a larger food expense, especially high quality grass-fed meats. I don't think cheapskates have to become vegetarians or that vegetarianism is even necessarily the healthiest way to eat. But I do know this--adding a few interesting vegetarian items to your menu keeps the weekly food budget down. It also helps you get out of the meat and potatoes/pasta rut we sometimes find ourselves in. Also, good vegetarian recipes often introduce us to interesting types of grains or vegetables, and in larger quantities than we might eat if a big gorgeous roast is the centerpiece of our meal. I believe that adding some vegetarian meals to the menu is a great way to stay healthy and cheap.

7. Buy seasonal veggies. It's so chic. It's also cheap. I'm not sure if this is true in other cities in the U.S., but here in Evansville, the farmer's market is a place to get incredibly inexpensive seasonal fruits and veggies. We're apparently not quite hip enough yet that the farmer's markets have gone all Whole Foods on us and charge a bunch. But even if they had, grocery stores are always having sales on seasonal veggies. They're just cheaper.

8. Cook your own food. It's  almost always cheaper (with the possible exception of that generic boxed mac and cheese). You can still go out occasionally, but if you're struggling with your waist and/or your budget, the first thing that really needs to go is that restaurant food. When we are used to restaurant food, I'm not even sure we're aware of how much extra food it is. Recently I went out to lunch three times in one week. That is a lot for me. Kip and I usually eat out twice a month. What I noticed about eating out so much (and I was trying not to be a big pig and I usually had leftovers to take home) was that I was never hungry by dinnertime (I'm almost always hungry by dinnertime even if I have a big homemade lunch and take an afternoon nap instead of doing an afternoon workout). My out-to-eat food hadn't necessarily looked or seemed excessive (I never got an appetizer or a dessert or a drink other than water), but it was. Maybe it was the bread with every meal. Maybe it was what they put in the food to make it tasty. Maybe they were just bigger portions. Whatever the case, my unintentional experiment with restaurant food proved (in super scientific ways of course) that eating out is just a heavier way to eat than eating in. It's also so much more expensive--a single plate of restaurant food (and I'm not eating at 5-star dining establishments) easily costs more than a nice meal for my entire 6-person family. Again, I'm not saying that eating out is something you should never do. I'm saying it costs a lot and if you do it too much, you better double up on the boot camp. Even taking my family to McDonald's and ordering two items off the dollar menu costs as much or more than making a really nice meat and potatoes meal for us at home.

So now you have enough money to buy that new bikini, and you have the smoking hot bod to go with it. Congratulations. I'll be here in my grandma sweaters making weird faces for no apparent reason at all. And eating great food, of course. For cheap.

Why I Love Aldi

If you follow this blog at all, you know that I love Aldi. You may also know, if you happen to look at my "Cost" for making something, that my costs sometimes seem kind of low. This is not because I'm delusional or deceitful. It is because I love Aldi and shop there regularly. It's not a perfect store; it doesn't have everything you'll always need. But it is still worth your love. Here's why.

1. It has all the basics and then some--a lot or organic or unusual foods as specials that you'd pay a pretty penny for at a health foods store.

2. It's pretty fresh. For a discount store, it's practically Eden. Despite it's sometimes ho-hum reputation (the Aldi of my youth was a place my mother went to get canned goods and really wilty lettuce if she was desperate), the produce is usually perky and fresh (usually), the dairy is always fresh, and the meats are the same level of quality (or better) than you would find at a Walmart. They are definitely higher quality than anything you'd find in a Save-a-lot or similar store.

(You can see that this produce isn't packaged any kind of special, but they get new shipments almost every day and the turnover for their produce is generally so quick that things don't have a chance to get really blah.)

3. Double Money Back Guarantee. If you ever buy anything that is not fresh or good, you can return it and get your money back, plus a replacement product. So if I come home and my broccoli turns yellow in two days, I can take it back to Aldi, get my money back and more broccoli for free.

4. Excellent sales.

5. Friendly workers. Usually. I'm sure there are some bad eggs. But none of the I-hate-my-life level employees you'll find at certain inexpensive grocery stores.

6. It's small. Maybe that's a negative to some people, but I can literally walk and shop from every aisle in 30 minutes. If you've got young kids or a tendency to impulse-buy at bigger stores, this smallness is nothing but a good thing.

Yes, you have to bring your own bags. But, whatever, that's the trendy eco-friendly thing to do these days anyway.
Yes, you have to put a quarter in your shopping cart. And tell me if you find any carts left in that parking space you wanted int he parking lot--they're all put neatly away because cheap people want their dang quarters back.
True, it is not everywhere. Aldi is a Midwest thing, though it is expanding itself, so don't despair.

Below you'll see some of the other cheap stuff that makes Aldi great. You'll also notice that they're not spending their money making things look fancy or pretty. Still, I've tried almost all of these products (I'll note when I haven't) and they're very good quality. (Also, pardon the awful pictures--I was trying to be quick and not look like a creeper wandering through Aldi taking pictures of stuff.)

(The cereal's not as good as the name brand stuff, but it's just as good--and cheaper--than other generic cereals.)

(Can anyone beat this???)

These are just as good (or in my opinion better) than Nestle or Hershey. 

Haven't tried, but heck--for $.89 you could. 

An example of fancy stuff that they sometimes have. You can't count on it, but the truth is that I haven't found farro anywhere else in Evansville ever--including the expensive health food stores. I've had to buy it in cities like D.C. when I've gone to visit family. Here Aldi is running it as a special. And for $1.69

I really have no intention of ever trying Aloe Drink, but if I did I would want to try it for $.99 instead of some fancy health food price. 

It's not Charmin, but it sure isn't the generic Walmart bath tissue that I got that took, like ten feet to form a waddable amount. 

tuna: $.65

Aldi's always got some kind of fancy cheeses going on. Some are there consistently; some are not. But they're always SO much cheaper (probably as much or more than half) of what specialty cheeses are at a normal grocery store. And the quality is good. 

Fruit and Vegetable Cost Breakdowns Per Serving

I know you can do this math yourself, but I also know that most people won't and that it's sometimes interesting to think of our food in terms of how much one piece costs. It puts it in perspective and helps us realize how much we're actually spending/saving on certain foods. At this diet-y time of year, I hope it will help people realize that their healthy food choices aren't necessarily as expensive as we're sometimes led to believe. In fact, if you're wise (or even just a little not dumb) you can often get a full day's fruits and veggies for the cost of a cup of Starbucks coffee.

You guys know that one of my biggest cheapskate pet peeves is when people talk about how much cheaper junk food is than healthy food. While this may be true calorie by calorie (that snack cake or serving of mac and cheese is higher in calories than your bananas or spoonful of peanut butter), I do not always find that junkie foods are particularly more filling than their healthier counterparts and I find them considerably less satisfying. Today we're talking about fruits and veggies. Maybe they don't make a meal, but as a snack they can certainly tide us over just as well as a handful of chips.

I'd like to note that I'm using Walmart pricing here. It's cheap, but not the cheapest. If you have access to stores like Aldi and Ruler foods, you will generally get these foods for 15-30% less. That adds up. These prices are for non-organic foods. Yeah, organic's great, but Kraft mac and cheese isn't organic either so let's compare apples to apples (or non-organic apples to non-organic Kraft mac and cheese as it were).

I'd also like to note that some foods like strawberries and peppers tend to vary hugely in price depending on season (all fruits and vegetables do, but some do a LOT). Generally I haven't included those foods on this list.

1. Oranges. 3 pounds for $3. (Often in season at cheap stores like Aldi and Ruler foods, I can even find 3 pounds for $2). My bag of oranges came with 12 oranges. That's $.25/orange.

2. Bananas. 3 pound for $1.50. Bananas are the classic cheapskate fruit--filling, healthy, very cheap. I ate one every day in college. My bunch came to me with about 8 bananas. That's about $.19/banana.

3. Carrots. 1 pound for $1. My bag comes to me with 8-10 carrots. That's about $10/carrot. Again--I ate one of these every single day of my college life. I didn't bother peeling them or anything. In fact, friends would tease me because every day a carrot would be there--sticking out of one of the outer mesh pockets of my backpack. Seriously, these little nutrition sticks kept me from premature death.

4. Broccoli. 1 pound for $1.50. Let's break it into 3 servings for easy math. That's a lot of broccoli and it's only $.50.

5. Spinach. Remember this is everybody's favorite superfood. 1 pound for $1.50. Let's break it into 6 servings for easy math, (and because unless you're using this in smoothies or another dish), you'll be hard pressed to eat that much raw spinach in a serving. $.25/serving.

6. Apples. 3 pounds for $3 (and a little more out of season--I must admit). I usually get between 6-8 apples per bag. That's $.37-$.50/serving.

7. Cuties. These things aren't cheap, but they're so, well, adorable, and much loved by children, and a fruit children can actually peel and eat by themselves. That makes them valuable to me. They come in 2 pound bags for about $5. Each bag has a jillion (or 22-26). If you count 2 as a serving, that's still just $.38/serving.

8. Grapes. Again, not the cheapest fruit unless it's on sale, but still surprisingly not expensive per serving. $1.50 per pound. That's about $.50/serving.

9. Sweet potatoes. 2 pounds for $2 means about $.50/serving.

10. Peppers. These are another veggie powerhouse. They're not that cheap in the winter, but you can usually still find them for $1.50-$2.00 per pound. And at that price, a serving is still around $.50.

Bonus: Some less usual fruits and vegetables.

But those are all so boring you're saying. What if I want to go to Whole Foods and buy star fruit? Well, you certainly can and there's nothing wrong with that, though it's probably not your cheapest option. Here are some less expensive ways to break out of your rut.

-Kiwi fruit. I honestly haven't bought this at Walmart in years. But at Aldi, you can get 3 for $1.00. That's $.33/fruit.  I'd guess they're about $.50/fruit at Walmart.

-Pomegranates. Right now I can often find them for $1.00 at Aldi or about $2.00 at Walmart. That's $.50-$1.00/serving.

-Unusual greens (swiss chard, bok choy). At Walmart you can buy a HUGE bag of mixed baby greens for $3. It includes spinach, chard, bok choy. It's easily less than $.25/serving and delicious.