Brocomole

This month for Secret Recipe Club, I had Learning Patience. It didn't take me long to pick a recipe called Brocomole. Why? Because broccoli has been on sale lately. And Kip loves it. In fact, in a cruel twist of marital fate, it was the one veggie he really loved when we got married and the one (though I love almost all vegetables) that I really didn't care for. In an even more cruel familial twist, it is one of the few vegetables that my entire family will consume whether they love it or not (Mark eats his paltry and mandatory piece doused in BBQ sauce, but he eats it). Consequently, I've learned to appreciate it more. I've even come to love it roasted (oh, mama), though we eat it steamed more often because (mysterious to me) that is how the masses tend to prefer it around here. As a kid steamed broccoli was one of those foods I would not eat. And yet my son who eats, like 7 foods total is willing to choke it down if he wants dessert (and, yes, there are many many foods he is not willing to choke down, dessert or not). So every time I discover broccoli in a new, fun way, I go for it. Brocomole is just that. It is a broccoli dip. With cream cheese and sour cream. And it's delicious.

Beyond deliciousness, however, it is versatile. You can eat it with crackers for lunch (this is the route I went), but it would also be a fun party dip or appetizer or side/veggie dish at dinner (how I plan to introduce my family to it--nothing like a pile of crackers on the side to get then to try their veggies). I bet  you could even use it as a mayonnaise substitute on a sandwich to very good effect. Also, it can be made as I did with garlic, salt, and pepper, and a little onion and cayenne. But I bet it'd kick butt with dill and parsley. Or even a Tbsp of ranch powder. Or some pesto. Or whatever. So, yes, versatile.

Furthermore, I'd be willing to bet that if you didn't have broccoli you could make it with cauliflower (that way it would even be white and no one would have to confront greenness) or kale.

Brocomole
adapted from Learning Patience
Makes about 1 1/2 C
Prep time: 6-7 minutes
Cost: $1.20 with sale broccoli and cream cheese (probably closer to 1.50 or 1.75 if items not on sale)
broccoli: .50, cream cheese: .50, sour cream: .15, garlic: .05,

Note on cayenne and other seasonings: The seasonings in this will strengthen the longer it sits. So if you plan to serve it soon, feel free to go all nuts. However, if you plan to serve it the day after you make it, be careful, especially with potent things like cayenne. I made this a day ago and the cayenne was perfect; today when I had my leftovers it was (still good, but) more wowza. So, be warned.

1 head broccoli, cut
juice and zest from 1/2 lemon (if you don't have a lemon, you can use 1/2-1 Tbsp lemon juice here instead)
4 oz cream cheese
2 oz (2 Tbsp) sour cream
1-2 cloves garlic
dash onion powder
3 chives
tiny dash cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste

Cook the broccoli. I did this in the microwave. Put broccoli in microwave-safe bowl with a bit of water. Then cover with plastic and cook for 3-4 minutes or until tender. (Be careful when removing plastic--the steam will whoosh out and could burn you.) Note: This could also be the perfect recipe for leftover broccoli. If you've got a cup or two leftover, go for it.

Put broccoli and rest of ingredients in food processor (blender would probably work too if it's a decent one, though this stuff is fairly thick) and process away.

Let cool and eat with crackers or other vegetables for dipping.

PRINTABLE RECIPE

Salted Caramel Frosting

Yesterday was my birthday.

I'm getting a little older. Usually I don't let this bother me. I have--as they say--an old soul. Which is all well and good until your old soul meets your aging body, and then you start to wonder if this whole getting older thing might be kind of pesty after all. In fact, in the making of this very cake, I was just standing there by the stove--just standing. And all the sudden my knee had this excruciating pain shoot through it. For the next two hours, it hurt to walk. And then whatever was pinched through the exertion of that intense bout of standing on my own two legs that I unkindly subjected my body to got unpinched and I was saved. When I told my husband (two years my elder, btw) about it, he said, "Welcome to 36."

Anyway, to celebrate getting older and being a masochist at the same time, I decided I wanted a swimsuit for my birthday. Which inevitably entailed swimsuit shopping. Which inevitably entailed confronting the fact that I now have armpit fat (that little lip of fleshy stuff that hangs over the top of the swimsuit--tell me I'm not the only one, people). Which inevitably entailed another reminder that I am no longer 16 (and, truly, thank heavens that this is so, armpit fat be darned).

So to celebrate not being sixteen and discovering the joys of armpit fat, I made the best cake of my life. And not to put too fine a point on it, I've made some pretty incredible cakes in my time. This was a 3-layer chocolate cake with caramel frosting on the inside layers and chocolate frosting on the outside. 

Disclaimer: This cake will not give you armpit fat per se. I don't want people deterred from making this delight because I--for reasons inexplicable even to myself--have prefaced this post with a discussion of armpit fat. Getting older gives you armpit fat. Because armpit fat is really a combination of loose skin and saggy boobs, being pushed up by the merciless spandex-y stuff that swimsuits are made of. I am not recommending you make this cake every day. In fact, I will take a moment right now to not recommend that. But for your birthday--you totally should. It will keep you young. Especially if you lick the beaters (and share them with your kids). It will keep you from that 16-year-old self that was so afraid of getting fat that she filled her journal with ramblings about that topic. It will keep you connected to your recently deceased mother who made you whatever cake you wanted for your birthday--always homemade, often homely, delicious. It will keep you the best parts of young and the best parts of old. Promise.

Today it is about the caramel frosting that I wish to speak.

My friend gave me the idea--nay, the obsession--by introducing me to an absolutely divine frosting a few weeks ago. Hers was amazing. I kept imagining it in combination with chocolate. Ah, such happy birthday imaginings. (Dieters--stop imagining. And, as a general piece of advice, stop writing about getting fat or hoping not to get fat or all the things that might make you fat in your journals, okay. Because one day you'll go back and read them and you'll think--sadly--"I wish I could remember what St. Nicolas Day was like in The Netherlands." But you won't be able to remember well because all you will have written about your time in that lovely country was your terrible fears that--even though you're biking miles every day and generally eat very healthfully (and incidentally--were not at all fat)--you will somehow manage to suddenly gain trillions of pounds and be repulsive to all around you. Just stop it. Not that I know this from personal experience or anything...I just think that as a general practice it's probably a bad idea.)

Okay, enough with speaking. Let me tell you how to make it.

Salted Caramel Frosting
frosts 1 9-inch cake (to have it frost a big one like this entirely--not a bad idea--you'd need to double it)
Prep/cook time: 30 minutes, plus a period of cooling
Cost: $1.25
sugar: .10, cream: .50, butter: .50, powdered sugar: .15

Note: Caramel can be a tricky beast, or at least a food you have to get to know. Below, I've put the method that works for me very well. I use water with the sugar and heat the cream before adding it. For me, this has been (so far) full proof. Then I add the cream in a steady stream whisking constantly until combines into a saucy sort of thing. At first it might seize a bit, but if I keep whisking, it unseizes and comes together. If I have trouble with it, I warm it a bit as I whisk. That said, I believe that altitude, humidity, and whatever Egyptian diety who happens to control caramel might also have a hand in this, so find a method that works for you and use it. Just be sure to add the butter after you've done the sugar and cream and it has cooled. If you add the butter before it's cool, the butter will melt and this will come out differently (probably a little runny and you'll have to add more powdered sugar and loose the oomph of the caramel flavor).

1/2 C sugar
4 Tbsp water
1/2 C cream (heated for 30-60 seconds in the microwave)
12 Tbsp unsalted butter
3/4 tsp salt
1 Tbsp vanilla
2 C powdered sugar

Note: If you can melt sugar just fine on the stove, skip the water and do so. I always burn mine, so the below method works best for me.

Put sugar and water in a pan. Heat. Don't mix it or anything. (Tip: As it melts, warm your cream--this will make it easier to mix when it's time to add it.) Just let the sugar melt and start to turn color.  The liquid sugar will start to bubble and boil. It might even crystalize a bit. That's okay. If it starts to crystalize (the bubbles will look a little crystally), just gently stir with a wooden spoon or spatula. Do this until it turns deep amber in color and smells awesome. This took me a while, but until the end, I didn't need to pay much attention to it. I did dishes and got stuff ready.

Then, take off the stove and whisk in the cream. Keep whisking until your stuff comes together. [Note: If it's clumping into a big candy mess, put the pan back on low heat and keep whisking--it should eventually melt and come together.]

Let this cool. I put it in the fridge for 20-30 minutes.

When it's cool (and it is important that it cool--otherwise this will not turn out right), put butter and salt (I'd start with 1/2 tsp salt) in a bowl and beat it. When it's fluffy add the caramel you made and beat. Then add the powdered sugar, one cup at a time and beat.

Allow this to sit for a few minutes. The flavors will meld. I know that sounds a little whacky, but it's true. When I first tasted mine, it was good. But after 30 more minutes, it was amazing. Of course, this would probably happen on your cake anyway...

PRINTABLE RECIPE

To make a cake such as I did:

Make the above caramel frosting.
Make Kip's fudge frosting.
Make Best Ever Chocolate Cake.

Put the caramel frosting between layers and the chocolate frosting on the outside.

Spinach Artichoke Pizza

I made this one night when we had friends (and their 5 kids over). I made several pizzas--pepperoni, my ranch pizza, and this. It was a riff off of one of my favorite dips, and boy howdy, this pizza won the day. By a long shot. And I even burned the cheese a little and it was still much loved. Make it. Love it. Eat it.

Spinach Artichoke Pizza
makes 1 large (or even extra large) pizza
Prep time: 15 minutes (not counting crust here; just topping part)
Cook time: 15 minutes
Cost: $6.65
cream cheese: 1.00, mayo: .15, spinach: 1.00, artichoke hearts: 2.00, Parmesan cheese: 1.00, mozzarella cheese: 1.50

1 crust of your choosing (I usually do a breadmaker one, but I love this quick one too)
8 oz cream cheese
1/4 C mayonnaise
1 clove garlic, minced
5 oz spinach, chopped small and cooked (you can microwave with a bit of water or cook in the skillet--you want it wilted; then drain the water off)
1 can artichoke hearts, drained and chopped a bit
1/2 C Parmesan cheese to mix in
1/2 C Parmesan cheese to add on top
1 1/2 C mozzarella cheese

Spread out the dough for your crust.

Beat together cream cheese and mayo. Add garlic, cooked (and drained) spinach, artichoke hearts, and 1/2 C Parmesan cheese.

Spread this on your crust.

Top with 1/2 C Parmesan cheese (or Romano if you want to switch it up just a tiny bit) and 1 1/2 C mozzarella cheese.

Bake at 400 degrees for about 15 minutes.

PRINTABLE RECIPE