Kale Apple Celery Green Drink

As opposed to every other human being in the Western world, I kind of like Mondays. After the debauchery that was the weekend (for us that means overmuch Easter candy or, in my case, a few too many pieces of coconut cake) I start to reassemble our house. Oh, I don't go all crazy. A few years ago, I tried the Flylady thing--daily cleaning, sink cleansing, lists. And then I realized something shocking. If I cleaned my house every day, people messed it up every day. Rude. And kind of depressing. If I exercised every day, no one could take it away from me (well, not exactly, though coconut cake doesn't maybe do it lots of favors). If I wrote every day or went for walks with my children or talked to sisters and friends, then I still had that. But a clean house--nope, nada, gone. Still, I knew I couldn't quite give up until the chaos consumed us in a whirlwind of sticky crusts, cat fur, and poop smears on the toilet. I really couldn't. So every Monday, I clean my house. Very well, or at least pretty well. (Note: If you would like to see my house clean, please come by around 11:00am on Monday. But don't stay long.) And it feels really good. I sit there and enjoy the sunlight and clear counters and loveliness. And I know--even on Friday night when the corners of the kitchen floor are starting to look a little dodgy--that once this week my house was clean and that it won't suffocate me in messiness. And I like that too.

Somehow this Monday tradition sort of started to extend past cleaning and into a more personal realm. Every Monday I do a nice little yoga session with myself. I even feel all yoga-y while I'm doing it. And if I'm lucky and have time I make some healthy food.

Last week I discovered this. It was called Green Energy Detox Cleanse Drink. Which I think pretty much covers every crunchy/healthy key word possible. Kind of like those workouts that promise energy, muscle, beauty, endurance, thin waist, lottery wins, and let's not forget the reversal of male pattern baldness (in two weeks or less!).

Anyway, I thought the drink would be gross. I thought I'd have to add sugar. But I didn't. It was sweet and delicious. And, while, I'm not sure about the whole energy detox cleanse promise, it did involve two vegetables and two fruits. I've never put celery in a drink and liked it, so I've got to give them that. Also, it kept me full until lunch time, which I consider impressive for a green drink.

Kale Apple Green Drink
adapted from Skinny Mom
Makes 2 smoothies, or a big one
Prep time: 5 minutes
Cost: $1.15
banana: .15, celery: .10, kale: .25, peanut butter: .20, apple: .25, almond milk: .20

1 banana, frozen (and ripe)
2 celery stalks, chopped
2 handfuls kale
a nice, fat spoonful peanut butter (I probably used 2-4 Tbsp though the original recipe called for a mere 1/2 Tbsp)
1/2 apple, chopped
1/2 C unsweetened almond milk (I used a coconut, almond mix)

Blend it all together in a decent blender. A crappy-ish blender will probably work too, though you might have to add more milk.

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Corn and Kale Chowder

This is a good recipe for spring. It's still been pretty chilly around here and we're practically in the southern half of the U.S. It uses kale, which is coming on (ours is just starting to look alive again). But it also uses corn. You can use frozen and I did. (I bet you can even use canned.) But if you have this during the summer, you can roast ears of corn and potentially make yourself the most butt-kicking corn chowder ever.

Corn and Kale Chowder
adapted from Good Life Eats
Makes: 8-10 servings
Prep and cook time: 40 minutes
Cost: $4.35 (or about: $.50/serving)
butter: .25, onion: .10, garlic: .05, flour: .04, milk: .26, cream: .50, chicken broth: .30, potato: .10, corn: 2.00, kale: .25, sausage: 50

Note: You can sub 2 1/2 C whole milk for the milk and cream mentioned below
Note: I used 1 1/2 C chopped kale and desperately longed for more. The recipe below reflects that longing.
Note: 1 C chicken broth will make your chowder thick and chowdery. Add more if you want it soupier. (Ours was chowdery.)
Note: If it's summer and you want to roast your corn, here's how: Heat oven to 425. Grease cobs with olive oil or butter. Place on cooking sheet (lined with parchment if you want dish duty to be easier). Cook, turning frequently for 20-30 minutes or until cobs have some brownish spots on them. Remove from oven. Cool. Take off corn. You'll need 2 1/2 C or about 5 cobs worth of corn.

3-4 Tbsp butter
1 small onion, diced small (or a decent dose of onion powder for the onion haters--start with 1/2 tsp and then add more to taste at the end)
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 C flour
2 C milk
1/2 C cream
1-2 C chicken broth (or veggie broth for a vegetarian soup)
1 large potato, peeled and diced (we used red)
2 1/2 C frozen corn, dethawed
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
dash cayenne pepper, optional
dash nutmeg, optional
3 C chopped kale
2 links sausage or a few strips bacon, cooked and crumbled (optional)

Melt butter. Add onions and cook for 5-8 minutes. Add garlic. Cook 1 minute. Add flour. Cook 1-2 minutes. Whisk in milk. Add cream and chicken broth.

Add diced potatoes and corn. Let this simmer for about 30 minutes or until the potatoes are tender. I cut my potatoes small so they cook faster and because I don't like a big ol' bite a potato in my soups.

While it simmers, cook your bacon or sausage if using. Once cooked, chop small.

Also, chop your kale and put it in a microwave-safe bowl with a bit of water (2-4 Tbsp). Cover this with plastic wrap and cook 2-3 minutes in the microwave. The kale will wilt. Drain off the water. Note: I do this because sometimes kale is bitterish. If you cook it and pour off the water, the bitter goes with that water (yes, with a few nutrients as well, but those nutrients won't get eaten if your soup turns out bitter). If you cook the kale in the soup and the kale happens to be bitter, some of that is going to come into your soup and it will not taste quite as good.

When the potatoes are tender, add kale and meat. If it's too thick for you, add more chicken broth. Then add salt, pepper, cayenne, and nutmeg. Taste and adjust seasonings (don't burn your mouth--I hate that).

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Zuppa Toscana

If you've every been to The Olive Garden and ordered the soup, you know what this is. You also know that it is awesomeness incarnate. And while I'm not going to claim that it's health incarnate (sausage, bacon, potatoes, cream), it does pack a mighty kale punch. And a good dose of kale can cover a multitude of sins. At least I convince myself of that every time I eat this soup.

Zuppa Toscana Knock Off
Serves 4-6
Prep time:10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Cost: $3.15
sausage: 2.00. bacon: .40, onion: .10, cream: .50, kale: .15

1 1/2 C spicy (or not so much) sausage
2 medium potatoes, cut into 1/2 inch cubes (we use red potatoes)
3/4 C onion, diced small
6 slices of bacon (you can totally get away with 2-3)
1 1/2 tsp minced garlic (2-3 cloves)
2-4 C kale leaves, cut into inch pieces
1 quart water
1/2 C heavy cream, or a bit more if you're feeling lucky
4 tsp chicken bouillon granules or Better than Bouillon

Note: You can sub chicken broth for the water and bouillon if you've got it.
Note: You can peel the potatoes or not. Olive Garden leaves the skins on.
Note: You'll notice a wide range in the kale amounts. I like kale. I usually add a bunch, but I think the more authentic recipe would use the lower amount of kale.
Note: I use 2-3 strips of bacon. I love the flavor it imparts, but don't much love bacon in soups. It's pretty good the first day, but I notice as the days go by that it gets kind of chewy and blah.
One last note: Leave that bacon fat in there folks. It adds a lot of flavor. If you are looking to lower your cholesterol, then simply omit all ingredients in this soup except kale and water. Thank you.

Cook sausage until it's no longer pink. Remove from skillet. Cook bacon and onion over medium heat. Take bacon out when it's crisp and keep cooking onion longer if it's not tender yet. Add garlic and cook a minute until it's fragrant. Add water, potatoes and chicken bouillon. (Note: If you've got tough or thick or extremely curly kale, put it in the pot here; if it's young and tender you can add it later.) Cook about 15 minutes or until potatoes are soft.

In the meantime, crumble your bacon.

When potatoes are soft, add bacon, sausage, cream, and kale (if it hasn't already been added).

Simmer 4 minutes and serve.

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Kale Apple Smoothie

Cheap Eat Challenge, Part 2: Watch as our family eats on less than $10/day.

Kale and apple goodness: check. Spiderlike tentacles of sad aloe vera plant: check. Pumpkins painted in exact same manner as aloe vera pot: check.

Well, I don't know why I'd need to say more here, but of course I will.

I really enjoy a good green (or purple or orange or pink or even sludge colored) smoothie. But this time of year--the very time of year when sneezy pukey children start touching your otherwise perfect specimens of children--blueberries, strawberries, and peaches aren't exactly at their peak. Sure, you can freeze a bunch when they are at their peak, but what if you didn't. Or didn't freeze enough. Of just have 7,000 apples sitting on your counter. Don't worry; I've got your back.

This smoothie is tasty, seasonal, cheap, and very virtuously green (even in the sad night-time lighting that fall has brought my kitchen). And while we're talking about what I love about this smoothie, let's talk about this: this is a great solution for that half apple that didn't get eaten (come on; surely my kids aren't the only ones who do this) or for that bunch of apples that just wasn't as good as you thought they'd be. Chop them up, freeze 'em, and buy a bag of kale.

And kale--yeah, yeah, it's such a supery super food. But also it is a supery super easy to grow food. I'll talk more about it in the spring, but for now, know that at this time of year, when everything else is starting to wane, it just gets growing and does beautifully. And it grows incredibly easily from seed, which means that a bunch can be grown for pennies. However, even if you don't grow it yourself, it tends to run significantly cheaper than spinach.

But heck, if you're just too afraid of it or can't find it at your store, raw baby spinach will work great in this too.

Kale Apple Smoothie
adapted from Real Simple
Serves 1
Prep time: 5 minutes
Cost: $.53
kale: .10, apple juice: .10 (from concentrate), apple: .25, banana: .08)

Note: I recommend having your apple and your banana frozen. However, if you only have one or the other of those frozen, you'll be fine. Just make sure something's frozen, because there's no ice in this recipe, so if all your fruits are at room temperature, you'll get a slightly lukewarm smoothie that will be edible, but not as appealing. Moral of story: next time your kid eats only half an apple or you get a mushy one, peel it, cut it into chunks and throw it in a freezer bag. Or the next time your bananas have more brown than green, peel them and into the freezer bag with them too.

3/4 C kale (about 3-4 four-inch leaves), large ribs removed
1/2 C apple juice
1 frozen apple, peeled and cut into chunks
1/2 frozen ripe banana (also peeled, but I didn't find it so essential to say so here)

Put all ingredients in blender and have at it. If it's incredibly thick, add several more tablespoons of apple juice (or even water). If you didn't get any of those fruits frozen, add a few cubes of ice (providing your blender can handle it; mine can't). Blend it well because this smoothie can get a wee bit of an applesauce-y feel to it if you don't blend it up really well. This isn't necessarily a problem, but it's a texture that would bug some people.

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Looking for another cheap seasonal smoothie, check this one out: Pumpkin Smoothie

Linked to Sweets for a Saturday

Stir-fried Kale

Cheap Eat Challenge: Watch or join us as our family of 6 learns to eat on $6/day.

Okay, so maybe you're asking, "Is stir-fried kale the type of thing a person really needs a recipe for?"

Answer: No.

Unless, of course, you've never thought of making something like that before before. Or you think it sounds barfalicious. In either case, you should very much think about making this because it is absolutely not barfalicious. It is so surprisingly good that you might even make a little tentative batch as a sort of experiment and then find it so amazing that you feel you must at that moment go back and make more. Not that I know this from experience of anything. Ah, greens. It's the type of thing a body starts to really crave in February.

I should mention, too, that despite the fact that this week I have now posted not once, but twice, on the mighty kale, I myself am fairly new to the vegetable. We had never really been introduced until a year and a half ago when a friend let me have the tail end of her CSA share. There at the farm were these bushels of vegetables I'd never used and sometimes never heard of before. It was great fun. And the great thing about kale is that it's a fall/winter vegetable that is super super hardy and nutritious. I tried it in soup, in colcannon, and in smoothies. And since then I've thrown it into various dishes here and there. But I'd never just cooked it as, like, it's own little vegetable deserving of it's own little vegetable spot on my plate (sorry, kale) until a few nights ago. It had honestly never occurred to me. Because, you see, even though kale looks like a sort of salad green, it's not good if you just toss it into your salad. It's actually a cole vegetable (in the same family as broccoli and cabbage) and it's generally too tough-ish to be eaten raw. It can also be a bit bitter, though generally at this colder time of year, it is not (it likes a little freeze to sweeten it up). Anyway, back to my story (what, you didn't think a person could tell a whole story about cooking kale; well, my friend, I've certainly proved you wrong now, haven't I?). The other night I was worn down from the care of my sick family. And I was craving some greens. But I didn't want a smoothie. So I just threw some olive oil (and a little coconut oil as an afterthought) in a pan with some salt and pepper and then shredded the leaves and tossed them in. I didn't trust the kale in such a simple manner so I put in a small dollop of my honey mustard dressing when it was about done, and my oh my, it was so so good. I ate it up. And then I went back and made more. Because it was that good. And also because it only took 3 minutes.

Dying to know even more about kale (because who wouldn't be, you know), have a look over here.

Would this be good over or mixed in with rice, couscous, or your hip grain of choice? Yes, it would. But it's good just on it's lonesome too. And it's cheap. And it's pretty.

Stir-fried Kale
Serves 4
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Cost: $.28
(kale: .25, other stuff: .03)

Note: I cut the large rib of the kale out and put it in my compost (because I am lazy, lazy I tell you). However, it's perfectly edible, so you can use it if you wish, but you'll want to give it a longer cook time, so separate it from the leaf, chop it, and throw it in the pan first for about 2 minutes before adding the leaves.

Note on dressing: I've tried this with and without dressing. It's very good both ways, though I feel you need more salt and pepper without it. This may also be good with Ranch, Caesar, or another dressing of your choice. I think it'd also be some kind of wonderful with coconut milk. Or a hard cheese. If you try it with something else, let me know how it turns out.

1-2 Tbsp olive or coconut oil (if it all dries up in the cooking process add a bit more)
4 large kale leaves, washed and shredded into 1-2 inch pieces
salt and pepper to taste
honey mustard dressing, optional

Heat oil on medium heat as you shred the kale leaves.

Toss the leaves in and stir them to coat with oil. Stir/toss about for about 1 minute. Then cover pan with a lid for 1-2 minutes to get them wiltier more quickly (you may want to reduce the heat when you do this or even remove the pan from the heat for a minute, so you don't burn your kale). When they're sort of wilty, but not like cafeteria spinach or anything, add the dressing if using. Stir to coat and give it another 30 seconds or so.

Sprinkle with more salt and pepper if necessary. Serve immediately. Once this stuff cools off, it loses all its charm.

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Kale Green Drink

Cheap Eat Challenge: Watch or join us as our family of 6 eats, or tries to, on $6/day.

Let's talk about kale. It's green. It's pretty. It's can handle cruddy soil if you're growing your own (as opposed to its more needy counterpart, the spinach leaf) and it can endure cooler temperatures. In fact, it's sweeter after it's gotten a little frost-bitten, so it's peak season is during the fall and winter. It lowers cholesterol, acts to detoxify the body, has anti-inflammatory properties, and of course tons of antioxidants. It also contains a crazy amount of vitamins K, A, and C, as well as lots of nearly everything else. For more info, have a look here.

And it's cheap. A bushel of about 9 oz. of kale cost half as much at Walmart as a 9 oz. bag of spinach. When used raw in a smoothie, the tastes of the two greens are surprisingly similar.

Kale Green Drink
Makes 3 cups
Prep time: 5 minutes
Cost: .80
(kale: .15, applesauce: .10, strawberries: .25, peaches: .20, banana: .10)

Note on kale: If you're new to green drinks you might want to start with 2 cups.

Note on fruit: This tastes better if at least some of the fruit is frozen when you start out. Then it's nice and cold and smoothie-like instead of warm fruit-drink like.

3 C kale (middle rib removed unless you've got a strong blender)
1 banana
1 C strawberries
1/2-3/4 C peaches
1 C apple juice

Blend till smooth.

This will supposedly keep for up to 3 days (with most of the nutrients in tact) if it's sealed and refrigerated, though I've always drunk it right up sooner than that.

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