Cookies and Cream (Icebox Cake)

BEST OF TASTY CHEAPSKATE

If a river of cream marries a cloud of sugar and they hop into a bed of chocolate, well then, not to be too graphic, but you get this baby.

Today is my mother's birthday. Generally, I try to make something she loved on her birthday. I can't think of a better way to remember someone you loved than through food. You could try this wacky cake or these cookies. But I think that probably what she loved most of all was this here dessert. We called it Cookies and Cream, and everyone always thought it was ice cream. But it isn't. Since then I've heard it called an icebox cake because you layer the whipped cream with the cookies and leave it in the refrigerator for a day. The cookies get soft and you just get a pillow of creamy, chocolate-y sweetness.

The great news about this is that it's crazy easy to make. The bad news is that it probably contains approximately ten million calories per bite. The other bad news is that the cookies you really need to use are often hard to find. This recipe requires Nabisco chocolate wafers. And it really isn't as good with any other substitute (not Oreos, not chocolate graham crackers; trust me; I've tried it all). Nabisco chocolate wafers tend to be in the gourmet cookie section and I can often find them at Christmastime (and then I stock up like a chocolate-addicted lunatic). They can also be expensive. Which makes this not as cheap as most of the Best of the Tasty Cheapskate recipes are going to be. But I do find the cookies on sale every once in a blue moon, so I'm going for this. For the sake of my mom's legacy and all.

 Now, let me say that I made this pretty for you, but it's not super practical to put it on a pedestal cake display thing because you've got to shove this bad boy in the fridge for a full day. What we honestly usually do is throw it in a big salad bowl with a lid (just to spite salad and all) and then put that in the fridge and just scoop it out when it's ready).

For some tips on laziness and/or making this look nice without having to shove the pedestal cake holder into some corner of your fridge go HERE. For some really dreadful pictures and more self-indulgent stories about this dessert in our family, go HERE.

Cookies and Cream (Icebox Cake)
Serves: Um, my family of 6 (but it should serve more; it really should; we have issues)
Prep time: 15 minutes
Fridge time: 24 hours
Cost: $6.40 (about $1/serving)
(cookies: $4, cream: $2, sugar: .12, vanilla: .28)

1 box Nabisco Chocolate Wafers
1 pint cream
3/4 C sugar
2 tsp vanilla

Beginning by whipping your cream. Pour it in a bowl and blend it until soft peaks form. When they do, add the sugar and vanilla. Whip or beat until firmer peaks form.

Put a blob of it on the bottom of a salad bowl and spread that around. Make one layer of cookies, breaking some if you need to so they don't overlap. Add more whipped cream and spread. Add another layer of cookies. Repeat until you top it off with a thin layer of whipped cream.

Cover and refrigerate for 24 hours or until the cookies are perfectly soft.

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Pink Coconut Possibilities

Wanna know a secret? I don't like pink. It's true. It's one of those colors that rarely looks good on me and thus I've harbored a not-always-silent little grudge against it. Especially when it's managed to infiltrate large portions of our womanly world--from Victoria's Secret bags to Mary Kay lipstick to your daughters birthday cakes (ages 2-15). As a female, I'm pretty much required to enjoy this color.

Wanna know what else? I don't really like cupcakes. Once again, I'm striking out against woman-kind here. Only now I'm also attacking our 21st century version of American pie. Ask anyone (or at least anyone who shares loud facebook opinions)--they're sure to tell you that to dislike cupcakes is un-American.

And I mean I kind of get the cupcake thing. I mean, they're cute and all. But they're just so impractical. I can't ever seem to get a bite from top to bottom into my mouth at once, so I have to eat a frosting-heavy bite or a frosting-less bite (I mean, the horror of this tremendous first-world problem; let us not speak of it). Furthermore, the cake to frosting ratio is just always off for me--cake that's too thick with too little frosting. Cupcake makers have compensated for this by creating cupcakes with a layer of frosting just as thick as the cupcake itself. Yeah, I don't like that either. And, once again--whose mouth does this fit into?

Yet for my dear dear friend's birthday, I wanted to make her a little something. And, for whatever mystery of the universe, the thing that I very very very most wanted to make her were cute little red velvet cupcakes. The thought just rolled around in my brain and made me salivate. It's no secret that I love red velvet cake. I've got the recipe and then this and this riff off of it. I love it especially in these sweet little Valentine's day weeks. But cupcakes? What was I thinking? Nevertheless I followed my heart (or, well, tongue) and wound up with pretty little red cupcakes with white frosting. And then I thought, "Well, I'm sure my friend would enjoy some coconut on these." And then, well, insanity overtook me again and I could not imagine anything prettier than pink coconut atop my red and white cupcakes.

And you know, sometimes it's best to just roll with the insanity because I was really really happy with how they turned out. And they were delicious. And beautiful. I still couldn't fit it from top to bottom in my mouth though. But, truth be told, my red velvet cake recipe is good enough to eat plain. So I ate the bottom like that and then I ate the frostinged cupcake top.

And I think my friend liked them too. And they all lived happily ever after in a pink land of sugared confection. I mean, it is un-American not to.

I followed my red velvet cake recipe here (I halved it and that made 12 cupcakes). 

To dye your coconut (and it doesn't have to be pink), you'll find instructions at the end of this post. It's so easy it's stupid. 

Waldorf Red Velvet Cake

(And in it's cupcake version):

Okay, so I kind of missed posting this before Valentine's Day because I made it the day of Valentine's Day. I thought about waiting a year and then posting, but then I realized that this could easily be dyed green for St. Patrick's Day and red, white, and blue for Independence Day (oh, my).

Now let's talk about cake.

The Part Where I Justify Its Color:

This one gets a lot of flack for being so...so red (or green, o ye Irish lads and lasses). And it's true, you're going to dump a whole ounce of food coloring into this so be prepared for that. You could skip the food coloring. You'd get an almost vanilla cake that isn't as pretty, but that is still quite good. However, it will also be missing some type of flavor and moistness that the food coloring gives it. I'm sorry; that is just the way it is. In my opinion, there is something that food coloring gives it besides just color. Whatever this is, it's probably a bad thing health-wise. But we're not talking about health; we're talking about cake. If you're going to eat cake (and you certainly should) I don't think you should expect it to be healthy. Also, I don't think it should be something you expect to do every day. If those two expectations are met, you can probably come to peace with this most amazing of cakes and trust that a little food coloring once a year isn't going to kill you--at least not before something else will. So you can see that I am clearly justifying my actions, but I'm not going to apologize. This is not quite the same without the color.

The Part Where I Justify Its Frosting:

I grew up loving Waldorf Red Velvet Cake. That's what my mother called it and what it said on the little card in her recipe box. I mention this because I believe that there is a difference between Waldorf red velvet cake and the traditional southern red velvet cakes. The southern cakes tend to have cream cheese frosting and sometimes toasted pecans in the frosting. They're very good and I believe a cream cheese frosting is becoming our country's standard for red velvet cake. However, I believe there is something better. The Waldorf (from, I believe a hotel in NY) is my favorite. It uses a flour based frosting that is heavenly. (Note: It is also traditionally made from two 8x8 inch squares that are then cut in half into thin layers, so you wind up with 4 thin layers of cake. I didn't do this because I was short on time and short on one square pan, and I had three heart shaped pans and it was Valentine's Day so that fit. But but it always makes me happy when I do make those thin-layered square cakes. Next year, people, next year.) It is also often dusted with shredded coconut--at least the ones my mom made. I love this. But Kip doesn't like coconut and I am not--I repeat not--going to eat an entire cake by myself no matter how good it is. So I usually leave the coconut off and then sometimes sprinkle a bit of my own slice (but if you and yourn like coconut, it's really great). Let me note here, too, that I don't claim to have the original Waldorf recipe, just one that is somewhat different from the southern-style red velvets.

The Part Where I Justify Its Defiance of Being Considered Chocolate or Vanilla:

Red Velvet Cake also always has a little bit of cocoa in it. It usually ranges from 1 teaspoon to a couple tablespoons. I don't know why it contains cocoa, but I believe it is because the cocoa (NOT Dutch process) and the food coloring can work together to make things very red (you know how devil's food cake has a red hint too it--yeah, so the chocolate would give it a little something something like that). However, lately, there is a trend to include more chocolate in a red velvet cake. I'm sure that this makes a perfectly delightful chocolate-ish, reddish, devil's-food-esque cake. Maybe there's even a tradition in it somewhere (probably those southerners again). But to me, it does not make a Waldorf red velvet cake. This type of red velvet cake isn't chocolate and it isn't vanilla. It's red, darn it. And it will not apologize for that. It will not try to be chocolate. It will not try to be vanilla. It will be what it is. Which is one of the moistest, most delightful cakes you will ever eat. Yes, it will. Especially this one. Trust me, I've tried a bunch in search for the perfect one.

Red Velvets remind me of my mother who died last year and whose birthday was in February. She wouldn't have apologized for this being all red and crazy like it is either. And she would have helped herself to a second slice thank you very much. 

Why You Should Eat It:

It's moist. It's dense without being anything like a brick. It has a lovely crumb. It tastes different somehow than any other cake you'll ever eat. Try it. Love it. And don't even think about preaching to me about that once a year red food coloring if you've got a diet Coke in your hand.

Waldorf Red Velvet Cake
adapted from Johnie Gabriel
makes 3 layers or 2 chunky square layers
Prep time: 10 minutes
Cook time: 15 minutes
Cost: $3.15
flour: .40, sugar: .25, oil: .25, food coloring: 2.00, milk: .15 (buttermilk is more, but I cheat), other stuff: .10

Cake:

2 1/2 C all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 Tbsp cocoa
1 1/2 C sugar
2 eggs
1 1/2 C canola oil
1 tsp vinegar
1 (1-ounce) bottle red food coloring (or whatever other color you like)
1 tsp vanilla
1 C buttermilk (or 1 scant cup regular milk with 1 Tbsp vinegar mixed in)

Frosting:
Prep time: 10 minutes, but there is a cooling period, so it'll need an hour or two.
Cost: $2.80
milk: .30, flour: .15, sugar: .35, butter: 2.00

2 C milk
dash salt
1 C flour
2 C sugar
2 C butter (or 1/2 C butter and 1/2 C shortening for a whiter frosting, but the flavor isn't as good)
2 tsp vanilla

For Cake:

Preheat oven to 350. Prepare pans by spraying with oil and then lining with wax paper.

Sift flour, baking soda, and cocoa.

Beat sugar and eggs together in a large bowl.

In small bowl, combine oil, vinegar, food coloring, and vanilla. Add this to the egg/sugar mixture.

Then add part flour mixture, part buttermilk, part flour, the rest of the buttermilk, the rest of the flour.

Pour batter into pans. Bake (for 3 layers) 15-16 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean. Don't overbake it.

Let cool for ten minutes, then turn out on cake rack (or whatever) to cool completely.

For Frosting:

Cook milk, flour, and salt over medium heat, whisking constantly. It will thicken. Don't be afraid to get it quite thick. COOL completely. (If you don't let it cool, this frosting will still taste good, but it will sort of separate and look weird.)

Cream together butter and sugar. Add vanilla. Add cooled flour mixture. Beat it until it's nice and smooth (although if it's a little lumpy, it won't kill anybody). Frost cake.

PRINTABLE RECIPE

Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies

Okay, just wow.

You know when you try a lot of different recipes from the internet, you get used to a certain kind of disappointment when something is labeled with a lot of words you love--you know the ones--"Nutella pumpkin snickerdoodle ice cream strudels" or "Fudgy creme brulee nut butterfinger cream sauce." These recipes are either trying too hard to be something they just aren't. Or combining way too many things into something that is distinctly subpar. Or maybe they're trying to hit search engine gold. Or maybe they're just pregnant and trying to cover all their cravings in one manic dessert (yup, it's usually a dessert).

I admit that I almost kind of expected that with these. I mean I love love love red velvet cake. And I love love love brownies. Not only that, but red velvet cake reminds me of Valentine's Day with my mother. And brownies were the first thing Kip ever gave me. And cheesecake, well, that's just something I love for myself. So not only am I bringing food expectation to this proverbial table, but I am also demanding some emotional fulfillment here. Let me just say yes, yes, and YES. This recipe was the most perfect red velvet brownie I can imagine. There was sufficient chocolate to make for a dense, delicious brownie. But there was still that distinct flavor and moist texture that make for perfect red velvet cake. Add some pretty swirls of cheesecake and we are on.

So, Ellie, from The Bitchin' Kitchen, let me just say that you have a new number one fan. I got Ellie this month for Secret Recipe Club and these brownies were such a hit that I cannot wait to try everything else I pinned from her site. Also, I really really enjoyed reading her blog. Her writing is fun and funny and not (like some people I might happen to know or maybe even be) too long.

Make these. Love these. And Happy Valentine's Day.

Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies
from The Bitchin' Kitchen
Makes 8x8 inch pan of brownies (16 brownies)
Prep time: 10-15 minutes
Cook time: 30-40 minutes
Cost: $3.10 or about $.20/brownie
butter: .60, chocolate.50, sugar: .16, eggs: .10, food coloring: .50. flour .10, cream cheese: 1.00, sugar: .04, egg: .10

1/2 C butter
2 oz dark chocolate (I used 60% Ghiradelli chips)
1 C sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 tsp red food coloring
2/3 C flour
1/4 tsp salt

For cheesecake top:
8 oz cream cheese, room temp
1/3 C sugar
1 egg
1/2 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350. Line a baking pan with aluminum foil and grease the foil. (Note: I did this, though I don't usually line my brownie pans because I am intensely lazy, but it really was nice when they were done and cool and I could just pull those brownies right out of the pan. However, if you just want to grease your pan, I think that would work too.)

Combine butter and dark chocolate in microwavable dish and microwave in 20 second intervals, mixing in between until all is melted and smooth. Let it sit while you prepare the rest.

In large bowl, beat together sugar, eggs, vanilla, and food coloring. Still beating, add chocolate/butter mixture. Add flour and salt. Don't overbeat the flour, okay. Just mix it until it's mixed in.

Spread this onto your pan. Then make the cheesecake part.

Beat together cream cheese and sugar. Add egg. Add vanilla. Beat until well combined. (Note: I did not use all my cheese cake batter--only about 2/3 of it. However, I could have for a thicker cheesecake part and would not have regretted it. If, however, you want less cheesecake than brownie, halve this part of the recipe or use whatever leftovers you've got as mini-cheesecakes in ramekins or muffin tins. I swirled a drop of food coloring in and got 2 pink swirly mini-cheesecakes. Bake these until 160 degrees in the middle.)

Once your cheesecake is ready, plop it onto your brownie batter (mine was a little runny since I softened my cream cheese too much, but it worked anyway). Then take a knife and use it to swirl the cheesecake into the brownie. Stick the knife deep into the brownie batter so that you get a good swirl.

Bake for 30-40 minutes or until you can stick a knife into it and have it come out without brownie batter.

Cool before serving (warm cheesecake just isn't my thing).

PRINTABLE RECIPE

Favorite Valentine's Day Treats

One great thing my mother did for me as a kid/teenager was to make Valentine's Day a holiday that could be enjoyed whether there was someone romantic in your life or not. It wasn't until I got to college that I realized that Valentine's Day is a holiday hated by many (and by 'many,' I mean a bunch of single girls). Friends, this needn't be. Surely there are more people in our lives to love than those with whom we are romantically involved. So whether "Buy lingerie" is on your list of to-do's or not, you can still enjoy this day with those you love. Especially if you make them one of these desserts.

(Note: As a wee disclaimer, some of my pictures when you go to the links, well, they're not my best. Evenso, these desserts are a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Do not fear the ugly photos. Do not fear, I say.)

1. Red Velvet Zebra Cake. It's pretty. It's delicious. It's easier to make than it looks (pictured above).

2. No Bake Mousse Pie (or just mousse if you skip the crust). This takes 20 minutes (at the most) to whip up. It's elegant, decadent, you know all that V-Day kind of stuff without several hours of fuss.

3.  Chocolate Orange Mascarpone Cheesecake Pie. That title makes this sound hard, but it's really really easy. You don't even cook it. You can make it with the graham cracker crust, or not.

4. Cookies and Cream. And while we're speaking of easy desserts... This is my favorite dessert of all time. Also, it only 20 minutes to put together. Also, a few drops of red food coloring and your cream will turn pink. Wheeee! However, it must be done the night before. And it requires an ingredient you can't find in every city.

5. Chocolate Cookies with Orange Sugar Edges. I don't know what it is about chocolate and fruit, but the combo seems romantic, doesn't it. Even if you're not into the whole fruit and chocolate thing, you can roll your cookies in anything--sea salt, Valentine's sprinkles, nuts.

6. Creme Chocolate (or Baked Chocolate Custard). I love this. It's creamy. It's indulgent. It could handle me messing up several steps.  (pictured below)

Red Velvet Zebra Cake

Leftover Tuesday just isn't the thing for Valentine's Day. Join us tomorrow when we do, er, Leftover Wednesday instead.

Valentine's Day is a day for cake. I was going to make my favorite red velvet cake--three layers of red dyed goodness. And then I saw this. And then I imagined it with red and white instead of chocolate and white. And then I decided to throw three layer red tradition to the wind and live dangerously. Yeah, whew, it gets a little crazy round here on Valentine's Day. It's like Mitt Romney on Diet Coke or something.

So, yes, I'm late because you've probably already made your Valentine's Day treat and all, but the awesome thing about the rockingness of this cake is that it can be adapted to be any colors (yeah, told you it was crazy around here). So you can use it for St. Patrick's Day or up the crazy ante and do red, white, and blue and make it for the Fourth of July or possibly make yourself perfectly wonky by doing a whole rainbow of non-fruit colors.

See you in rehab. Along with Mitt.

Red Velvet Zebra Cake
inspired by A Little Bit Crunchy A Little Bit Rock and Roll
Makes 1 layer--a heart if you must (and I must)
Prep time: I made this with my 2 youngest kids so it took me approximately 28 rather painful hours, but normally I think it'd be about 10 minutes.
Cook time: 15-20 minutes
Cost: $1.05 (I actually didn't realize what a cheap cake this was. Omit the food coloring all together and you're looking at a delicious 50 cent cake. Nice.)
flour: .12, sugar: .12, egg: .10, oil: .12, food coloring: .50, buttermilk: .09

Note: I did use the cocoa with this since a traditional red velvet cake must, by some odd unchangeable degree set forth most likely by Caesar Augustus or perhaps Martha Stewart or both, contain some small amount of cocoa. However, if you omitted it, I don't think the cake would mind and your white layer would actually be more white, which was something I neglected to think about when I added the cocoa. You could also sort of sprinkle it in when you're beating in your food coloring and thereby have your red velvet cake with appropriately traditional cocoa and eat your white cake too.

1 1/4 C all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 Tbsp cocoa
3/4 C sugar
1 egg
3/4 C canola oil
1/2 tsp vinegar
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 C buttermilk (or 1/2 C milk with 1/2 Tbsp vinegar mixed it)
1/4-1/2-ounce red food coloring (that's 1/4-1/2 of a bottle of food coloring)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line the bottom of a cake pan with parchment paper and grease it well.

Sift flour, baking soda and cocoa (if using).

Beat sugar and eggs in large bowl.

Add oil, vinegar, and vanilla and beat until combined.

Add 1/2 flour mixture and beat. Add buttermilk and beat. Add remaining flour mixture and beat.

Now take out about 1 1/4 C of the batter and put it in a separate bowl. To the remaining batter add your food coloring (and 1 tsp cocoa if you didn't add it already). Beat the batter till nice and red.

Pour about 3 Tbsp batter into the center of the pan. Directly in the middle of that, pour 3 Tbsp of the other color batter. Keep going like this. It'll make a bullseye looking thing.

Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick (knife, pickax, whatever you've got on hand) inserted comes out with a few moist crumbs attached.

(And here it is flipped over so the bottom shows.)

Let cool in pan for 10 minutes and then turn out to cool completely.

Frost. A lot of people use a cream cheese frosting on red velvet cake, but my favorite frosting on red velvet is the same type of white frosting that goes on a wacky cake (you can find that recipe here; it's the white one, not the fudge one).

When you're done with that you can sprinkle on some coconut. My family always did this growing up, but coconut gets mixed reviews around here, so I often skip it or just do a little bit of the cake. Today, I went a little even crazier than I already went and dyed my coconut pink. (I know. I know. It's like Mitt Romney on non-diet Coke. Whoa. And enough with the Mitt Romney jokes already--I actually really like the guy.) To do this, put some sweetened coconut in a bag with a drop or two of food coloring and shake your money maker. Or your hands if your money-maker happens to be a body part other than your hands. You could always shake both. Whatever gets your coconut dyed.

PRINTABLE RECIPE

Linked up on Sweets for a Saturday and Cupcake Apothecary

Chocolate Molds

So I really wanted to get my red velvet cake posted sometime before Valentine's Day because I love it and it loves me, and because it is beautiful and red and even a bit of a tradition for around here. But I've been kind of in run-around-like-crazy-and-show-up-late-sometimes-but-at-least-I'm-getting-there mode this last week and cake just hasn't made it to the top of my to-do list. Which means I'll probably be running around on Valentine's Day getting it made at the last minute. Which means I should probably get my sorry behind into the kitchen right now and make some cake and take some photos before I lose my light for the day. And then I should lovingly wrap and freeze the layers so that come Tuesday I can lovingly and calmly assemble my beautiful cake and also wear my frilly apron and some pearls and thereby resemble June Cleaver (or other iconic homemaker of your choice). I also should be more careful about run-on sentences. But instead I am going to take a nap. And you should too.

I'll tell you what I have had time for though. I've had time for chocolate popsicles. They take 3 minutes to throw together and then a few minutes in the freezer and then your kids are really really delighted about dessert. Granted, you'll have to buy the popsicle molds (or another chocolate mold) if you don't have any. But you really ought to because having a heart-shaped mold can provide years of Valentine's fun. And also cheapness. A bag of decent quality chocolate can so totally compete with a box of over-priced cheap chocolate in a pink and red bag/box. If you get really good at the whole decorating thing, you could even give these away to actual people who are not in the single-digit age range.

You can leave them just chocolate or you can chop up some old candy canes and throw those on for a red and white peppermint flare. (Of course, I won't judge you if you just put the candy canes in the Christmas box and save them for next year. I didn't say I wouldn't make fun of you, like I do my very own mother when she does this very same and slightly grody thing, but I won't judge you.) You could add a little coconut oil to your chocolate for something silky and special. Or you could let your kids go at it with sprinkles or M & M's or nuts or coconut flakes. Whatever you do it's sure to be lazy and cheap and chocolate-y. And you don't even have to show up at Walmart to accomplish this. Win and win.

Cream Cheese Sugar Cookie Bars

These cookies started out with lofty aspirations. I was going to bake a pan of pink and a pan of white. And then I was going to cut them in squares and then use a cookie cutter to cut a small heart out of the center of each square. And then I was going to put the white hearts inside the pink squares and the pink hearts in the white squares. I reasoned that, since these were easy bar cookies and I wouldn't have to roll these out and cut them into shapes, I would have plenty of time to actually do something cute. And I do use the word 'reasoned' quite loosely, just so you know.

And then there was a slight time crunch. And by slight time crunch, I mean a wandering around in my bathrobe at 9:00 when I'm supposed to be at a cookie exchange at 10:00 time crunch. So I lowered my expectations, but was still going to swirl a white and pink batter together. Because that would be easy and still beautiful, right. And then there was a slight pan malfunction. And by slight pan malfunction, I mean that it became clear that the amount of cookie bar batter was way too little for the pan they were in, so it had to go into another, smaller pan. And after all that shifting of batters, well, there wasn't too much left to swirl, so we pretty much had a pink cookie bar. Which isn't the end of the world on Valentine's Day.

And then the malfunctions continued. Like that when I pulled them out to see if they were done, the partially-cooked batter went smoosh to one side of the pan, so then I had to tilt the pan the other way and swoosh it to the other side. Which left some cracks and other issues that those of us familiar with the aging process might call wrinkles. But when they were actually cooked, I covered them with white cream cheese frosting and sprinkles in a heart shape and all was well.

And then I went to my party unshowered and hopefully everyone forgave me for that. And then on the way home, Emma stepped on the remaining cookie bars. And what is it with my kids and stepping on baked goods, but at least it was after the party and not before.

Oh, and did I mention that the cookies were dreamy. Yeah, because they were. When I got home Kip ate a whole bunch, which wouldn't be noteworthy except that Kip generally only appreciates chocolate desserts and there wasn't a lick of chocolate to be found on these and he wasn't just, like, politely eating them, but was--to be honest--a little on the shamelessly snarfing side. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) So, yes, these are good. With the frosting they're kind of over-the-top good, but they'd even be good without it. And they'd be good as little hearts in other-colored squares. And they'd be good pink and white swirled. But as it was they were still good, great, even, as their wrinkled, stepped on, imperfect selves. That's what I call a cookie. 

Sugar Cookie Bars
adapted just a tinge from jamiecooksitup
Makes one 9x13 inch pan
Prep time: 10 minutes
Cook time: 20 minutes
Cost: $2.20
(sugar: .25, butter: .60, cream cheese: 1.00, egg: .10, flour: .25)
for frosting: $1.20
(butter: .30, cream cheese: .50, sugar: .40)

1 1/2 C sugar
1 C butter, quite soft, maybe even a little melty (I don't like to have to work too hard when I'm mixing a cookie)
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1 egg
1/2 tsp almond extract
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
2 1/2 C flour
food coloring if you wish

Frosting:
1/2 C butter, softened or slightly melted
4 oz cream cheese, softened
3 C powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
food coloring if you wish

Beat butter, cream cheese, sugar, and egg until nice and whippy. Add vanilla and almond extract and beat.

Add flour, baking powder and baking soda. You can mix the dry ingredients beforehand, but I usually don't because I'm hopelessly lazy and don't believe in most recipes that require anything more from me.

Beat it all until incorporated. If you're going to color your batter, beat in the food coloring.

Put into slightly greased 9x13 inch pan and spread evenly with a spatula.

Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

Let cool completely. (Ha, that was another malfunction we may or may not have had. I was just hoping that when I threw the hot pan in the refrigerator it wouldn't melt the milk carton. Here's to cooking like a pro.)

For frosting:

Beat butter and cream cheese. Add vanilla and sugar. Beat until creamy. Add food coloring or sprinkles if you like.

Spread on cooled cake, or, um, the cake you pull from the refrigerator with the slightly warm bottom that you consider to be 'probably fine.' Here's to things that are 'probably fine.' And you know what, they probably are.

Take them in the car to your (hopefully) showers-optional Valentine's Day party. Take care not to let your toddler or preschooler step anywhere near them as they will surely be compelled to step directly into the middle of the pan if allowed within two feet of it.

Cut into bars at the party when they (the bars not the party) really have cooled completely (or gotten close enough).

PRINTABLE RECIPE

Heart-Shaped Pizza: A Valentine's Idea

My parents gave me a Valentine's Day gift--not a literal sort of gift (though they gave those too), but a legacy type of a gift. For us, Valentine's Day was a fun day--a day of homemade doily Valentine's stashed on your bedside in the night, a day for nice dinners, for small gifts (very small) for everyone in the family, and sometimes heart-shaped pancakes. In other words, a day for sharing with the ones you loved, not necessarily for going on a fancy expensive date or hooking up with whatever hot someone. So I was surprised when I got to college to find that not everyone loved Valentine's Day. In fact, some people had downright hateful feelings towards this day of love. Because they associated it with romance, with chocolates and secret admirerers, with lofty expectation; and thus, with disappointment and sometimes loneliness. And don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a nice date or a surprise something from that very special one. It just happens to be my opinion that there's plenty of love to go around in this world and plenty of people in our lives to love for those years when a super special someone isn't in the picture. Or when he has to work. 

This idea came from my sister Rebecca.

It's not a recipe, per se. I'll save the dough and sauce for another day. Today just take whatever ingredients you've got--be it your special dough or a box of Bisquick, a century-old family recipe or a can Great Value of spaghetti sauce. And make something special out of it. Because that--the making of something lovely out of the things you've got, however imperfect or unpolished they may be--is the spirit of Valentine's Day.

Enjoy. 

Spread the dough out in the shape of a heart. You can use a pizza cutter if you'd like, but I just pressed it into the shape. (They usually sell frozen dough or you can use Bisquick or there's an easy pizza dough recipe here.)

Add the toppings.

Bake at about 400 until the cheese is melted and beginning to brown.

And don't forget to wear your "Kiss the Cook" apron.

Happy Valentine's Day.