Chocolate Molds

So I really wanted to get my red velvet cake posted sometime before Valentine's Day because I love it and it loves me, and because it is beautiful and red and even a bit of a tradition for around here. But I've been kind of in run-around-like-crazy-and-show-up-late-sometimes-but-at-least-I'm-getting-there mode this last week and cake just hasn't made it to the top of my to-do list. Which means I'll probably be running around on Valentine's Day getting it made at the last minute. Which means I should probably get my sorry behind into the kitchen right now and make some cake and take some photos before I lose my light for the day. And then I should lovingly wrap and freeze the layers so that come Tuesday I can lovingly and calmly assemble my beautiful cake and also wear my frilly apron and some pearls and thereby resemble June Cleaver (or other iconic homemaker of your choice). I also should be more careful about run-on sentences. But instead I am going to take a nap. And you should too.

I'll tell you what I have had time for though. I've had time for chocolate popsicles. They take 3 minutes to throw together and then a few minutes in the freezer and then your kids are really really delighted about dessert. Granted, you'll have to buy the popsicle molds (or another chocolate mold) if you don't have any. But you really ought to because having a heart-shaped mold can provide years of Valentine's fun. And also cheapness. A bag of decent quality chocolate can so totally compete with a box of over-priced cheap chocolate in a pink and red bag/box. If you get really good at the whole decorating thing, you could even give these away to actual people who are not in the single-digit age range.

You can leave them just chocolate or you can chop up some old candy canes and throw those on for a red and white peppermint flare. (Of course, I won't judge you if you just put the candy canes in the Christmas box and save them for next year. I didn't say I wouldn't make fun of you, like I do my very own mother when she does this very same and slightly grody thing, but I won't judge you.) You could add a little coconut oil to your chocolate for something silky and special. Or you could let your kids go at it with sprinkles or M & M's or nuts or coconut flakes. Whatever you do it's sure to be lazy and cheap and chocolate-y. And you don't even have to show up at Walmart to accomplish this. Win and win.

Cream Cheese Sugar Cookie Bars

These cookies started out with lofty aspirations. I was going to bake a pan of pink and a pan of white. And then I was going to cut them in squares and then use a cookie cutter to cut a small heart out of the center of each square. And then I was going to put the white hearts inside the pink squares and the pink hearts in the white squares. I reasoned that, since these were easy bar cookies and I wouldn't have to roll these out and cut them into shapes, I would have plenty of time to actually do something cute. And I do use the word 'reasoned' quite loosely, just so you know.

And then there was a slight time crunch. And by slight time crunch, I mean a wandering around in my bathrobe at 9:00 when I'm supposed to be at a cookie exchange at 10:00 time crunch. So I lowered my expectations, but was still going to swirl a white and pink batter together. Because that would be easy and still beautiful, right. And then there was a slight pan malfunction. And by slight pan malfunction, I mean that it became clear that the amount of cookie bar batter was way too little for the pan they were in, so it had to go into another, smaller pan. And after all that shifting of batters, well, there wasn't too much left to swirl, so we pretty much had a pink cookie bar. Which isn't the end of the world on Valentine's Day.

And then the malfunctions continued. Like that when I pulled them out to see if they were done, the partially-cooked batter went smoosh to one side of the pan, so then I had to tilt the pan the other way and swoosh it to the other side. Which left some cracks and other issues that those of us familiar with the aging process might call wrinkles. But when they were actually cooked, I covered them with white cream cheese frosting and sprinkles in a heart shape and all was well.

And then I went to my party unshowered and hopefully everyone forgave me for that. And then on the way home, Emma stepped on the remaining cookie bars. And what is it with my kids and stepping on baked goods, but at least it was after the party and not before.

Oh, and did I mention that the cookies were dreamy. Yeah, because they were. When I got home Kip ate a whole bunch, which wouldn't be noteworthy except that Kip generally only appreciates chocolate desserts and there wasn't a lick of chocolate to be found on these and he wasn't just, like, politely eating them, but was--to be honest--a little on the shamelessly snarfing side. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) So, yes, these are good. With the frosting they're kind of over-the-top good, but they'd even be good without it. And they'd be good as little hearts in other-colored squares. And they'd be good pink and white swirled. But as it was they were still good, great, even, as their wrinkled, stepped on, imperfect selves. That's what I call a cookie. 

Sugar Cookie Bars
adapted just a tinge from jamiecooksitup
Makes one 9x13 inch pan
Prep time: 10 minutes
Cook time: 20 minutes
Cost: $2.20
(sugar: .25, butter: .60, cream cheese: 1.00, egg: .10, flour: .25)
for frosting: $1.20
(butter: .30, cream cheese: .50, sugar: .40)

1 1/2 C sugar
1 C butter, quite soft, maybe even a little melty (I don't like to have to work too hard when I'm mixing a cookie)
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1 egg
1/2 tsp almond extract
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
2 1/2 C flour
food coloring if you wish

Frosting:
1/2 C butter, softened or slightly melted
4 oz cream cheese, softened
3 C powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
food coloring if you wish

Beat butter, cream cheese, sugar, and egg until nice and whippy. Add vanilla and almond extract and beat.

Add flour, baking powder and baking soda. You can mix the dry ingredients beforehand, but I usually don't because I'm hopelessly lazy and don't believe in most recipes that require anything more from me.

Beat it all until incorporated. If you're going to color your batter, beat in the food coloring.

Put into slightly greased 9x13 inch pan and spread evenly with a spatula.

Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

Let cool completely. (Ha, that was another malfunction we may or may not have had. I was just hoping that when I threw the hot pan in the refrigerator it wouldn't melt the milk carton. Here's to cooking like a pro.)

For frosting:

Beat butter and cream cheese. Add vanilla and sugar. Beat until creamy. Add food coloring or sprinkles if you like.

Spread on cooled cake, or, um, the cake you pull from the refrigerator with the slightly warm bottom that you consider to be 'probably fine.' Here's to things that are 'probably fine.' And you know what, they probably are.

Take them in the car to your (hopefully) showers-optional Valentine's Day party. Take care not to let your toddler or preschooler step anywhere near them as they will surely be compelled to step directly into the middle of the pan if allowed within two feet of it.

Cut into bars at the party when they (the bars not the party) really have cooled completely (or gotten close enough).

PRINTABLE RECIPE

A Word on Duck Eggs

Last year we got ducks. We got them mostly for fun--like living lawn ornaments. And--oh, they were beautiful.

And then two got killed during a movie-scene-worthy thunderstorm (apparently predators don't fear the lightning quite as much as those ducks did). And then one day a few weeks later, Rico showed up.

He was a handsome drake who seemed to be joining our little flock. How exciting. And then just like that, he led our ducks to a different pond in the neighborhood where they have remained ever since. Which is what happens when you don't shoo away the handsome drakes that enter the lives of your girls. Don't think that's a lesson that was lost on this mother.

But that's not the point. The point is that we've been thinking of getting ducks again this summer or next because we are mentally impaired persistent. There's a woman at my church who successfully raised some ducks last year and I've been wanting to go to her house to have a look at her set up for a while. Our schedules haven't lined up yet, but one Sunday she brought me some duck eggs so I could give them a try and see if I even really wanted those feathered floosies to stick around long enough to lay after all.

I have to say I wasn't the least bit fazed by eating a duck egg. I'd already been entertaining the thought for a while after all. And many moons ago, I'd spent a few hours a week at a petting zoo where they let me take home all kinds of weird eggs, which I ate with no trouble at all. Even so, when she warned me to crack them in a separate bowl before adding them to my food "just in case" it did give me a little pause.

And when I mentioned the duck eggs to a few friends, I was surprised at how adamant they were about not eating them or finding them utterly strange. 'Utterly strange' being my middle name, and considering that some of you might be confronted with the choice of buying them at farmer's markets or stands as our society grows a little more aware of local food and eating, I thought I'd give a few words to some of the similarities and differences.

Appearance:

The duck eggs are larger, though not intensely huge or anything. And can come in a variety of colors. The yolks for these free range birds were intensely orange--more orange than even free range chicken eggs that I've eaten. The white and yolk were both slightly, um, firmer--by which I mean that the membranes didn't seem quite as flimsy as with chicken eggs. The yolks don't break quite as easily--that sort of thing. But everything else looks about the same.

Taste:

They taste almost the same as chicken eggs. I'd bet Joe Average wouldn't notice a difference if you just flopped the cooked egg down in front of him (though Joe Foodie might suspect something was up). They are slightly different in texture and slightly richer in flavor. They are higher in fat and so are supposed to give certain baked goods like cake more rise. I, alas, have not baked a cake with them. Not making enough cake, especially when important experimentation is at risk, is a terrible failing and I will try to rectify it as soon as possible.

Texture:

To me, this is the biggest difference and it's still not huge. When you crack them, you'll notice that the shell is thicker, smoother, and glossier. They would be beyond awesome for making those blown eggs that people with more cheek muscle than me sometimes decorate. The yolk and white are both firmer or (and I hesitate to use this word, but I will) gelatinous than their chickeny cousins. When I made deviled eggs with them tonight, I noticed there was a slight "skin" between the white and the yolk. When we made scrambled eggs, they weren't quite as light and fluffy as chicken eggs.

Make up:

They're higher in both fat and protein. Compared to their store-bought chicken cousins, they are also significantly higher in omega-3's and other nutrients as well.

(For a good article--and one in which the writer has the good sense to refer to their texture as one that can "stand up" instead of one that is "gelatinous," which really does explain it better anyway--have a look here.)

(hard-boiled and really not doing justice to how very vibrant the yolks are)