Asian-y Noodles

 Mondays can be hard. Some might say that Mondays are inevitably hard. Which is why I'm giving you this recipe for Asian-y noodles of awesomeness. Because they're easy. And you can make them on a Monday. And your kids will probably eat them. And if you make them with some sort of veggie on the side, you can even feel good about your parenting. And if you don't, you can still feel good about your parenting. Because, guess what, you just made your family a delicious, home-cooked meal that somebody else would have gotten paid to make and put in a little Asian-y box for you to take out of their restaurant. But in the time it would take you to park your car, walk to the restaurant and wait to carry something out, you can make this meal. Also, it costs you $.20/serving, or less. So do it. (If you want; because Mondays are hard.)

 And maybe these don't seem like a big kid pleaser (note: they're brown; I know), but my kids--who are some of the pickiest kids alive (like, almost kind of clinically picky--I'm looking at you, Mark)--love these noodles. And try to eat them with chopsticks (which also makes you a good parent; or at least that is what I tell myself).

So get out the chopsticks, and some broccoli if you're rocking this Monday thing, and make these.

Asian-y Noodles
adapted from The Cooking Jar
Serves 8
Cook time: 20 minutes
Cost: $1.50 (See that price; it's about $.20/serving. Yeah, I know there's not a butt load of nutrition going on here, but there IS a lot of flavor, and go on and tell me how healthy your take out lo mein was, okay... Also you can add bean sprouts if you want, and that makes everything healthy, so there.)
noodles: $1.00, butter: .20, soy sauce: .10, teriyaki sauce: .10 (okay; I admit to BS-ing a little on the Asian sauces since I'm really not sure how much these small amounts would cost; maybe I'll figure it out on a day that is NOT Monday), other stuff: .10

1 lb spaghetti noodles
3 Tbsp butter
1 Tbsp minced garlic
3 Tbsp sugar
3-4 Tbsp soy sauce (Note: I use about 3 and add 1 Tbsp of water to get it a little less salty)
1 Tbsp teriyaki sauce
Optional toppings: Green onions, seseme seeds, bean sprouts, chicken, whatever sounds good

Cook and drain your noodles. Try to get them al dente.

Melt butter in a frying pan. Add garlic and saute for a minute or so until fragrant (don't burn, so don't have your heat up way high).

Toss in noodles and stir to mix.

Add sugar, soy sauce, teriyaki sauce, and mix.

That's it. You're done. I know it sounds too easy. That was kind of the point. So make it already. Become a believer.

PRINTABLE RECIPE

Chocolate Volcano Cake

Don't worry. It doesn't blow up. It's not that kind of volcano cake. But "molten lava cake" was taken, so I couldn't use that name. And, frankly, this one is better. And you should all make it. It's easy. And perfect. And it oozes chocolate. So win. Win. And win.

(Gratuitous display or excessive chocolate)

The nice thing about tube and/or bundt cakes is that you don't have to mess with layering, yet they're still showy (especially when they ooze chocolate). You do need to grease your pan mighty well with cooking spray. I'm sorry if you're opposed to cooking spray on moral grounds and only use butter and/or coconut oil and/or the hair grease of virgins. I understand this snobbery, I do. But I don't know what it is about cooking spray (it probably has silicone in it or something dreadful), but it keeps bundt cakes from sticking in a way other greases won't. So, you can be a grease snob if you want, but your cake might stick.

While we're speaking of snobbery, this cake also calls for a partial package of instant chocolate pudding mix (1/2 C to be exact). How annoying, I thought. How cheaterly. And it kind of is. But it's worth it. Totally worth it.

Honestly, it looks pretty good naked too. 

Chocolate Volcano Cake
adapted from Through Her Looking Glass
Makes one large bundt cake
Prep time: 15 minutes
Cook time: 1 hour
Cost: $8.00 (much more than a usual cake in this house, but it's birthday season and I will splurge on those birthday cakes. Plus, as I sometimes point out, it's so much cheaper than buying a lousy cake make from lousy ingredients from the store. And it will feed a crowd. It's at least 16 servings making this only $.50/serving)
sugar: .30, butter: 1.25, eggs: .30, flour: .25, cocoa: .50, chocolate pudding mix: .50, chocolate chips: .90, more butter: .60, cocoa: .50, powdered sugar: .90, other stuff: .30

Cake:

2 C sugar
1 C butter, somewhat softened
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
3 eggs
2 1/2 C flour
1 C cocoa
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 C instant chocolate pudding mix
2 1/4 C buttermilk
1 C semi-sweet chocolate chips

Chocolate Icing:

1/2 C water
1/2 C (1 stick) butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 C cocoa
3 1/2 C powdered sugar

To make the cake: 

Grease that bundt pan, baby. Grease it, or you will regret it.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Beat sugar, butter, and vanilla. Add eggs

Add flour, cocoa, baking soda, salt, instant chocolate pudding mix. Of course you're supposed to sift this, and if you're a person with grit, I suppose you will. I always just dump it in the bowl and then sort of fluff it around with a fork or, heck, the beaters. Because I'm lazy. My cakes turn out anyway.

Now add the buttermilk.

Then the chocolate chips.

Pour it into the bundt pan (or a tube pan).

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Then, without opening the oven, turn the temperature down to 325 and bake for another 30-ish minutes (mine was about 35 minutes). Insert a knife or other long cake testing device. It should come out with moist crumbs, but not batter.

Let it cool for 10 minutes. Then turn it out onto a cake platter. Here I must issue another warning. Don't leave this thing in the pan for an hour or few and then expect it to come out. The longer cakes sit in pans, they less they want to leave them. So give it just a brief cooling period and then turn it out.

When it is completely cool, you'll add the frosting.

For the frosting:

Heat water and butter. Melt butter. Then remove from heat and whisk in cocoa and vanilla. Add the powdered sugar and beat (I always have to move it to a bowl for this step because my pan isn't big enough and is non stick and I like to beat icings so the ingredients incorporate fully).

When the cake is cool, pour this into the center. It will overflow down the sides. I should tell you that I also like to spoon it up onto all the sides so that it is on all sides. In fact, I do this a few times (every couple hours or so) to get a chocolate glaze coating on the cake. Because I like it like that, okay.

Afterwards, my daughter sprinkled it with powdered sugar for beauty's sake. Then my husband took a picture of it with flowers. Because, apparently, that's what he thinks food bloggers do.

PRINTABLE RECIPE

Sweet and Sour Meatballs

I never knew how many ways there were to prepare meatballs until adulthood. I love these basil meatballs and we've made meatballs wrapped in croissants and wrapped around mozzarella balls. These give meatballs an Asian twist (even though it's probably totally fake Americanized Asian--it's still delicious). You can serve it with brown rice if you want to healthy it up, or quinoa if you want to drop all pretense that this is some variety of Asian food. Also, try to add a vegetable unless you don't care about dying and stuff. But if you do care about dying, then try to eat a vegetable. Because, despite what my son and husband try to tell me, I really don't think barbecue sauce counts as a vegetable.

Also, this is one of those meat meals that cheapskates can really get behind. Most of the other ingredients are dirt cheap (as is white rice if that's how you serve this). Even when you remember to add your broccoli, you're only adding a buck or so to this meal. Six normal, non-teenage people can eat for about $1.00-$1.50 each.

Sweet and Sour Meatballs

adapted from Mel's Kitchen

Serves 4-6 (depending on how delicate your eaters are)

Cook time: 20-30 minutes

Cost: $3.90

beef: 3.00, oats: .05, eggs: .20, onion: .05, milk: .05, other stuff: .10, sugar: .20, BBQ sauce: .15, other stuff: .10

For the Meatballs: 

1 lb ground beef

1/2 C quick oats that you pulse in the blender (a course oat flour will also work)

2 eggs, slightly beaten

1/4 C grated onion

3 Tbsp milk

3/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

3/4 tsp Worcestershire sauce

For the Sauce (you can half this if you're not into sauce and just want enough to glaze the meatballs, but we're into sauce around here): 

1/2 C brown sugar

1/2 C apple cider vinegar

1 tsp yellow mustard

1/2 C barbecue sauce

2 tsp Worcestershire sauce

Meatballs: 

Mush together all the ingredients and form into balls that are 1- 1 1/2 inches big. 

Cook on a skillet, browning on all sides. (They don't have to be cooked through because soon we'll be simmering them in the sauce. 

Now whisk all the sauce ingredients together and pour over the meatballs. Let it simmer for 15 minutes or so. It will thicken a bit and be lovely and sweet and amazing. 

PRINTABLE RECIPE

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